Today I woke up super late in the day, and proceeded to procrastinate my homework until… later tonight. You see, I have found a new show to watch, Brooklyn 99. It’s not quite up to par with The Office (tbh nothing will ever be), but it’s pretty hilarious. Favorite character would probably be Rosa because she’s scary and rude and lowkey reminds me of my dear friend Mia (it’s a compliment Mia I miss you). But yeah I have been super lazy today, and I’m also suspicious that my boyfriend may have given me a cold, so I’ve been popping vitamin C and drinking water all day, let’s all pray that it doesn’t get any worse.
Y’all wanna get a lil deep?
So I’ve been gone from home a little over two months now, and I still haven’t had feelings of homesickness for my family, with the exception of my brothers. Not missing my mom and dad is mostly understandable, I think? My relationship with my parents is weird and tricky; basically, I’m the responsible adult 90% of the time. Now I do give them that 10%, because they call me sober occasionally, and they do provide for me at times. I know they love me, but I’ve learned that feelings are not enough to be an adequate parent. They have their own demons to deal with, and I’m adult enough now to accept that I am not a priority, while in the past it deeply affected me. Perhaps this is why I don’t miss them, I’ve let go of the string from my heart to theirs. In all honestly, being away at college has been a refreshing experience for me. I don’t have to deal with the constant family shitstorm I grew up in, and I don’t have to depend on them for anything anymore. I am attending college on my own merits, and have never worked harder in my life to get where I am, not only academically, but emotionally as well. There were so many obstacles in my life that almost unraveled my very identity. I’m still dealing with the aftereffects of facing these obstacles, but I am a more confident, stronger individual now thanks to God and those closest to me.
One awkward thing about attending a fancyish college on merit is that I am one of the few poor people attending. My friends were talking about going home for Thanksgiving break and asked what I had planned. I told them I was probably just going to sleep the whole long weekend at the dorm, that I was only going home for Christmas. They didn’t really seem to get it at first, but when they did their reaction was equivalent to “uhhhhhhhhhh…” followed by a change in topic. I laughed it off, however, because I’m an ‘ugly-and-I’m-proud” type of person (Spongebob reference ftw), but it is a bit difficult for me when they want to go out to eat or go to some expensive event.
That’s not to say I don’t ever go off campus to do things. The money I DO have to spend I spend when I’m with my boyfriend. And by the way, how come no one ever told me being in a relationship would be so spendy???? Like shiiiit boy thanks for the flowers and cute gifts but uh all I can offer in return is my body – oops. I get my check in two days so let’s all pray it’s HUGE.
Well I should get back to my lonely homework.
~see you tomorrow ~
